1. Never Yell
Not much good comes from yelling in my experience.
2. Don’t Always Put Your Laundry Away
That shit’s exhausting. Put your effort into the dishes.
3. Create a Morning Routine
Follow it almost all of the time. 1% of 1 day is 14 minutes. Use it to plan the other 99%. The other days buy a dolled up coffee.
4. Create a Hangover Routine
5. Write a Very Basic “X Number of Things” List
Pray to God that the self-referential humor is enough to keep you cool.
6. Calmly Accept The Fact That You’re Not Cool or Creative or Special
Isn’t everything selfish anyway? Is this list format making fun of list formats defeating the very point of trying to make fun of the sea of bloggers and influencers by trying to vie for the very attention and notoriety they are vying for?
7. Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail
Lay out your clothes the night before. Gas up the night before. Basically if you do something in the morning, its better to do it the night before.
8. Give a Coffee Shop Two Chances
Then ax it. Be ruthless.
9. Record Something and Learn From It
Preferably a conversation. Involving you. Without consent. Then turn the bastards in. Whistle blower.
10. Find a Favorite Band
But don’t force it.
11. Once Found, See Said Band Live
Absolutely force it every single time.
12. Write Down Something
A journal. Very detailed. With dates. Involving a domineering boss. Then turn the bastard in. Stick it to the man.
13. Save Perfection For the Gods
But believe in yourself really hard.
14. Practice Utilizing One Extremely Weird and Tenuous Metaphor Daily
Make connections in odd places. Tie knots people squint at. Like the captain of a great ship at sea have repeatedly anxious and paranoid suspicions that the silverware in your kitchen drawer is plotting a coup.
Scream at the top of your lungs. Sometimes its the only thing the logic of this life tells you to do.
16. Go the Extra Mile
People will more often than not roll their eyes. But some people will also give you promotions.