Mothers

I now see what I want to give you
I now see what I want to say
But know that I am unable to repay you
What I know you would have never asked me for

How can I begin to thank you
When I can not remember what you have done

For years you placed me above everything
When I could not place my feet beneath my own body

You acted in patience, showing me a world
I could not begin to fathom

You gave me every opportunity
From the onset of my birth
And still you compete in the recesses of my memory
With the dispensable

What I am trying to say
Is that every thing I found joy in
Every toy, or favorite dinner
Every basketball game, every trip
Every book read, every shirt worn

Every fleeting thing I desired, craved, revelled and excelled in
Was all thanks to you

I realize this now.

And I can not even remember all of my smiles or laughs
During the first years of my life

The notion of someone nurturing and loving
Another with the knowledge that every action taken
Will fall into the recesses of the unknown and unacknowledged
Has overtaken my brain, like a sudden avalanche of helpless awe

To love for the sake of unlimited potential
Mixed with an unknown future
Makes Webster’s take on the term “sefless”
Dreadfully inadaquate

And I know the tears in your eyes
Are not from relief of acknowledgement
But recognition that the fragile body
You cradled night after night
Has grown into a vessel
Able to carry the fierce, curious soul
You helped mold

And that is all you have ever wanted for your son

To realize my dreams, and live life beautifully
Regardless of the praise or love that left my lips
In return

But know that I am now choosing to throw my being
Into this one simple thought you must recognize

I love you.

And as you read this with bowed head
And acquiescense

Please know that just as you loved me
Without my knowing
I too carry my affection
For you where ever I go

My prolonged absences now are no different
Than my soft sleep as a newborn

You stayed near my side
Hanging on every young, shallow breath
The first night I ever slept
And that act itself is enough
To echo through this world
Through the life you have afforded me

And just as you comforted me
Upon my waking and unrest
Know I still find comfort
Knowing you will never cease to help
Hold and heal

I know you will not see the end of my days
But know I can only hope to reach that end
With half as much grace as you have shown me

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