Hope

The tyranny of deterioration
The suffering that I see all around
I gaze upon ongoing assassination
Our desecration of He who rose from the ground

I notice this all only
If I am lucky enough to look beyond my own skin
And I know Jesus instructed us to look within
But how can I stomach myself if I know my own sin?

Still I replace the back of my eyelids with mirrors
Close my eyes and face my fears
Face all the times I’ve reveled in and revered
Waters from which I should have steered my vessel clear

To carry on living in such a state
Wars within and without
End in sight
It can breed apathy
To continue to watch the world go by
And our lives, turning pages without reading
The words because previous grammatical lessons
Have rendered us nothing but pain, and
Suffering makes the end that much harder to gain and…

I mean to say that I’m crushed.

The combined weight of the world, my heart and my mind
Has proven too much.

Yet still I crawl. Still I hope.
Still I bite and scratch to feel
And to know what I don’t have the strength to know.

For it is a task bigger than I can take
To fully recognize the Goodness in all
To fully surrender to the fact that
God has already broken our fall…

I think it takes a courage to Hope
I think it takes a courage to exist
Outside the scope of our reasoning
And wait for His plan to persist
Throughout the ages as it always has

And always will.

Though I still can’t shake from
My mind’s eye the first time He
Took me in dream up with Him in
The sky and despite the joyous Company
Present all I could do was cry because I
Could not recognize anything at all.

And though He pried and pried
And longed to by my Guide my
Pride pushed that aside as part
Of me never wanted to give up the
Hell I knew I deserved.

I remember He held me close
As I wanted to separate
Since I knew I hadn’t the strength
To wait for what I considered my
Absolution. An impossibility.

And then He whispered, “I am the Solution.”
As I dreamt us over starry bends.
And then pushing back against God’s will
I cried out, “I’ve failed you once, what if it happens again?”

“What if it happens again?”

He responded by opening my eyes,
And I felt the Sun come in.

—–

To hope through the darkness in our hearts
And the darkness in these lands
Is not something I claim to understand
But it is something I have resolved to stake
My being on as firmly as I can.

Because I’ve seen His tears through the holes in His hands.
He sees a different everything, and I’ve heard His command.

So He has wished, so I shall stand.

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